Potty Training

For a few years now, you have been your baby's personal butler and nurse. As they transition from baby to toddler, you also transition from bottle provider to snack provider and from diaper changer to pee-pee reminder. While the transition from baby to child can bring sadness and grief of the baby that once was, the transition to an actual child brings a lot of perks. Along with eventually buckling their own seatbelt and washing their own hair comes the greatest baby-to-kid transition of all: potty training.

Now, potty training in itself can be quite stressful. Changing poopy diapers turns into dealing with poopy Spider-Man undies but the transition is long awaited for many parents. We all count down the day when we no longer financially support the Huggies brand. I just breezed past the diaper aisle the other day and didn't even glance down it. Seven years of babies and I am now ignoring that aisle completely, because I can. That is a glorious feeling.

However, In the midst of potty training, there are great perks which you won't find anywhere else. Hopefully, it is a short phase and you quickly move on to having a child that deals with their own shit for once. But during that time period you get special privileges that are not found in diaper days or once your child is house trained like a German Shepherd. Let me explain:

1. I, myself, have been potty trained for quite some time. While it is now an everyday occurrence, it is still an unsung achievement of mine. As a mom, I do many things throughout the day that rarely receive recognition or a mere “thank you”. I am simply expected to do them and the tasks themselves are only noticed when they are not done. With a potty training toddler, I now have a personal cheerleader who accompanies me to the jon. Not only do I receive a round of applause when I complete the task at hand, but I also get immediate verbal praise by way of “Good job mommy, you big girl!”. Finally, some recognition for once. And you're right, Mommy IS a big girl. Thank you.
2. Along with a musical miniature potty and flushable wipes, potty training also brings a ground-breaking item into your bathroom: a stool. Not only does it serve it’s purpose as a one-step access to the big throne and ease dangling toddler legs, but it also gives you the extra six inches to reach the high shelf in your linen cabinet that has been neglected since you shoved the blankets up there last April. Most importantly though, the stool can be used when you are having your own visit to the bathroom. Medical professionals recommend placing a small stool beneath your feet when going numero dos. The added height to your feet places less strain on your big intestine making the process easier with less struggle and strain. Less strain means less hemorrhoids and I think we’ve all had more than our fair share of those during pregnancy. So use the luxurious stool ladies, you’ll never view bowel movements the same again.
3. Toddlers in the midst of potty training have grasped the concept that they are supposed to relieve themselves into a toilet instead of their pants, however they are not too good at holding it. When a little voice peeps up “Mommy, I go pee-pee?”, you have 7.3 seconds to get that kiddo to a toilet before all hell breaks loose. While the rest of us seasoned potty-users can hold our pee-pee until we find an acceptable and accessible facility, toddlers in potty-training boot camp must have access to a toilet at all times. As life continues during this training, you may find yourself at a business that has a red CAPITALIZED sign shouting EMPLOYEES ONLY on the door of their bathroom. While some businesses guard their bathroom like Taylor Swift’s dressing room and others have accessible public bathrooms, all businesses have one thing in common: none of them want tinkle sprinkles in their foyer. So while the receptionist may glare and point to the EMPLOYEES ONLY sign if you ask to use the facilities while out and about, no one (and I mean no one) will deny bathroom access to a potty-training toddler doing the potty dance. Think of it as a backstage pass to a room you would otherwise not be allowed to access. Under lock and key, armed guard and glaring signs, you are suddenly given access to the backstage bathroom. Enjoy the sights and potpourri smells of off-limit bathrooms, this is really a once in a lifetime opportunity.
4. Trying to teach a toddler to use a potty can be very stressful. Along with the frustration, comes added laundry because going through three pairs of pants a day is actually considered a good day. Then, you also have the 15-minute schedule set by alarm which interrupts every single thing you are doing all day long. The chiming of the alarm going off becomes so consistent, that as soon as it starts, your toddler heads towards the bathroom. The mexican-hat-dance ringtone will forever signal to your child that it’s time to go potty (for psychological fun, start playing the ringtone around them when they are school aged and watch them cluck like a chicken as they head towards the bathroom). Potty training is stressful, it’s messy and it is just downright chaotic. So when the PTA President contacts you to host the bake sale this coming Wednesday night, you can confidently say absolutely not. Why? Because you are potty training your toddler, that’s why. And without even missing a beat, the Prez will smile and say she completely understands because she had to do it with her kids too. Every parent understands the hold on life that is created when you are in the middle of potty training and no matter the obligation or project, you have a perfect built in guilt-free excuse that every parent understands and does not object because we have all been there before and we all get it. So sit back and enjoy the mexican-hat-dance.
5. The greatest perk to potty training your child is seeing them transition from a baby to a “big boy” within a matter of days (or weeks..). When they laid out spread eagle on the living room floor waiting for you to deal with the mess in their pants, they were a baby, no matter if they were three months old or thirty-six months old. Once they begin to take themselves to the bathroom, wipe their own butts and return to the table as if nothing magical had happened, they are officially no longer a baby in your eyes. The change is dramatic. You no longer have to lug around a suitcase full of wipes and diapers, you no longer have to worry if that stinky child in the room is your own. Gone are the days of having to do a sneak-peak into their shorts and say goodbye to finding a changing table in a busy airport. Just like that, your baby transforms into a kid. No transition is more astonishing, exciting or anticipated as potty training. The level-up from baby to kid is officially complete and right before your tired eyes your child is growing up. You may cry a bit, but be sure to wipe away your years with the money you’ve saved by no longer buying diapers.