Melancholy Preface

Preface

They were in a conference room at the mental health department. There were two doors at the entrance. The room was large and about fifteen chairs sat in a semi-circle on one side of the room. On the side there was an easel with a poster on it. It read “Be Respectful, One person talking at a time, What is said in group stays in group” in black marker. Ten of the chairs were full. In the front of the circle sat a stool, and on the stool sat a man about sixty years old. He wore a grey suit vest and matching pants which looked crisp against his dark black skin. His hair was salt and pepper grey and he wore glasses like most people his age.

“Hello, good evening. Thank you for joining us. This is the M-I-S-G or Mental Illness Support Group. I see a few new faces tonight so I will go into a bit more detail than normal. We meet every other Thursday at 6 o’clock and we always have meetings in this location however there could be an alternative place should something happen. So you new folks need to fill out an information card so I can contact you if that does happen.” he said and clasped his hands together on his lap. “We have three big rules here; be respectful, one person talking at a time and” in unison several of the people joined the man in saying “what is said in group stays in group”. He smiled.

“We spend our time talking to one another about our symptoms, our experiences, our life in general. You can share as little or as much information as you like however we do have to keep it reasonable in length because we only have until 7 o’clock.” He said. “Oh shoot, I almost forgot. My name is Albert and I am a therapist here at the Mental Health Department.” he said.

“Now I know we have a few new people here this evening so feel free to jump in to the conversation or sit back and watch, whatever you’re comfortable with. So let’s get started, hm?” he nodded. “Who would like to go first?”

For a few seconds, it was silent. Everyone glanced around and realized no one was really jumping at the opportunity.

“Come on now, don’t be shy.” Albert said.

Slowly, a hand raised into the air.

“Ah, yes, hello! Welcome!” Albert said as he pointed at a young woman. She was thin and tall with her dark brown hair wrapped up in a bun. She wore an oversized sweater that was falling off her shoulder and a pair of black leggings. She smiled. Her eyes were hazel and her skin was pale.

“Hi” she said. “I’m Julie.” In unison the group responded with “Hi Julie”. Julie smiled.

“I, uh, I have Major Depressive Disorder as my doctor calls it, or just regular depression. I feel like I’ve always had it but it has gotten worse over time. I used to work as a waitress. I used to go to the University but my depression got in the way and ruined that.” she said and rolled her eyes. “A lot of my life has been ruined by depression, actually. Jobs. Relationships.” she looked down at her lap.

“It’s hard.” she said. “I try to have a normal life but my depression gets in the way of everything I try to do, be and create. It ruins everything.”

“Yes, that is very difficult.” Albert said as he looked at Julie. He stroked his chin.

“It is” her shoulders slumped. “I feel like a failure, like I’m not trying hard enough.”

“It is difficult to live with a mental illness, I know. Believe me.” Albert paused as he looked around at all the people looking at him. “But let me let you in on a little secret. There is no such thing as a normal life. We are all having a hard time, we are all trying our best, we all have failures and achievements, we all have our ups and downs. Everyone thinks there is some normal person out there that doesn’t have any flaws or challenges, and let me tell you, there's not. No one like that exists.”

“And Julie” Albert said as he looked back at her “You are not a failure. You made it to the university, right?” he asked.

“Yeah” she nodded.

“There ya go. Right there. That’s an achievement. Do you know how many of your high school classmates couldn’t even get in to a university, let alone maintain a higher education? That’s hard work. How many semesters did you attend?” he asked.

“Four.” Julie said with a smile.

“Wow. Four semesters. That’s two years, folks! That’s practically an associates degree.” he said as he stood up from the stool and threw his hands in the air. Albert looked around at everyone, making eye contact with them.

“Living with a mental illness is hard work. You face challenges that those around you do not face. You have to jump higher, run faster and try harder to achieve what others take for granted. Do not sell yourself short. You have achieved a lot. You are doing things that other people can’t do and they don’t even have a mental illness. So you have depression and you hold down a job? Wow! What an incredible achievement. Every day that you go to work is an achievement. You have anxiety but you perform on a stage? Every time that you get on that stage is an achievement. You are not a failure for failing at something, we all fail. You are great, for doing great things. And you are even greater for doing them with a mental illness.” he said as the whole room remained silent.

“Sometimes our inner voice lies to us and tells us that we aren’t trying hard enough. It tells us that if we would try harder, we would be better. Don’t believe that voice when it says that. You are trying. You are here tonight, aren’t you? For the most part, you all have, or are currently in therapy, you are taking your meds, you are attending support groups.” Albert said as he counted out each thing on his fingers for emphasis.

“You are trying and you are trying hard.” he said, almost raising his voice. “Every day you face a battle to live a quote unquote normal life. It’s a battle to sleep. It’s a battle to get dressed. It’s a battle to talk to other people. But look at you Julie, sitting here. You’re dressed. Your hair looks clean.” Albert looked back at Julie. “You clean up good.” Julie and the whole room broke into laughter. Once it quieted back down, Albert continued.

“Living with a mental illness is a struggle, so it is an achievement to survive, let alone hold down jobs, make it into a university, maintain a relationship, go grocery shopping. You are not failures.” Albert said as he looked around the room. “You are all achievers.” Albert paused as the room remained silent.

“Thank you for sharing Julie, and welcome to our group. That was very brave of you.” Albert said and smiled. Julie smiled back.

“Okay, we’ve broken the ice. Who’s next?” he said.